On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
