I just saw a hot homeless man
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
