i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
