that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
