I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
