oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
