As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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