My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
