There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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