Who wears a wallet chain?!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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