I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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