DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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