where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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