if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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