im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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