The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
