Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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