Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
