just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
