my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
