oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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