Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
