I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
