she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
