then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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