Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
