i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
