That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
