your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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