I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
