I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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