I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
