just tell him i said nine months
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
