what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
