I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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