I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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