i think my tv is drunk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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