Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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