Pants 0. Shit 1.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
