my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
