She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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