I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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