part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
