we have pet lesbian snakes
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
