I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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