I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
