After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
