i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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