to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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