Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
