Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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